We have all experienced failure. From small failures to much bigger perceived failures, it always feels the same – we feel guilty, ashamed, frustrated, maybe a little angry at ourselves or disappointed with ourselves. Sometimes these feelings dissipate quickly, but sometimes they make themselves at home in the pit of our stomach for days or weeks at a time. And although we would all probably say that failure is just a part of life, most of us carry around some fear of failure all the same, and if we’re honest, it has much less to do with the act of failing than it does the feelings associated with it.
Four and a half years ago, a small team from the Youth Ministries family, including teenagers, staff, volunteers, and parents, jumped into a project funded by the Texas Methodist Foundation called the Innovation Lab. We began with research, interviews, demographic data, and deep dives into the hearts of the young people in our midst.
As we listened, we heard stories of anxiety, stress, hopelessness, of fear. We heard, over and over again, the suffocating reality of teenagers who felt paralyzed by the fear of failure, and not just large-scale failure, but any failure. We realized that the young people around us carried a shared fundamental belief that if they failed at anything, they were failures.
While all the parents in our community could articulate is that their desires were for their teenagers to be happy, healthy, contributing members of society; while they would say that it was fine for them to make mistakes as long as they were trying their best, their children had received a different message: that only the very best is acceptable.
Because that is what we have modeled for them. Because even though there is that grocery store around the corner, we drive past it and four others to go to the best one in town. Because we gave them access to the very best tutors and schools and coaches, even though there were other ones in our neighborhood. Since our teenagers had been given the very best to start, if they ended with anything other than the very best, they were a failure.
If they didn’t make the very best grades and teams and get into the very best colleges, they were a disappointment. And if they succeeded? If they got perfect grades, scored every goal, got into their dream school? Then they had just met the bar.
So, what do we do? Given that we can’t undo the lessons they have already learned, given that simply telling teenagers that it’s ok if they fail clearly isn’t enough, what possible hope and truth could we speak into this place of obvious hurt?
Our teenagers came up with an idea that I would never have, and it has shaped everything we have tried since: what if we asked teenagers to fail, on purpose, at things that don’t matter, and had adults fail alongside them?
A consequence of this fear of failure is that teenagers didn’t feel safe to try new pursuits. They were afraid to try things they thought they would enjoy, or which would be beneficial to their mental and emotional well-being because all of their pursuits were so evaluated and commodified. While it is not particularly unusual for adults to play instruments or do amateur photography for fun, teenagers can’t explore those activities without facing the pressure to compete with them or figure out how to make a career out of them. Adults can go for runs; teenagers are expected to race.
For our teenagers, they articulated that this mentality meant that even the things they would do to relieve the anxieties and pressures they faced at school wound up only increasing the pressure they felt. Teenagers have extra-curriculars they compete in, not hobbies they do for fun. They didn’t want a program to teach them about how failure was ok or a series of speakers. They wanted a space to try new things, for fun, with no expectation they would be good at them.
They envisioned a space where they could try out lots of new hobbies and activities, just for fun and be bad at them. They imagined a sacred pocket where they weren’t expected to compete or perform, but to just honestly be creative and expressive and have fun, without anyone judging it. They imagined adults would be there alongside them, trying things new things just as freely, and perhaps mentoring, but never judging. They imagined they could connect with adults in a way that wasn’t dictated by their capacity to perform well at something. It would be where they could create, learn, breathe, grow, figure themselves out, and have fun — a place where they could fail safely. So, Fail->Safe Studios it was.
Over the last few years, Fail->Safe has become a deeply embedded part of life in the Justin Youth Building, and this Sunday, Fail->Safe will return to the Justin for the Refuge. Students will have the opportunity to try things, maybe for the first time, just for the fun of it. We will be messy. We will make mistakes. We will not be perfect. And that’s perfect.
Fail->Safe Studios is a silly thing, but it’s done for a serious reason. Our research suggests that it could be vitally important for the success and mental health of teenagers. But that’s not the only reason, of course – we’re not a research institute, we’re a church. We do this because it’s a way to remind us of who we are. And who God is.
We believe that we are created in the image of a creative God. In Genesis 1 & 2, when God was shaping creation and molded us in God’s own image, it meant that we were created to be not just part of creation, but to be creative – that it’s literally baked into what it means to be human. But a fear of failure leaves very little room to be creative.
If we do not equip ourselves or our teenagers to engage with failure in a way that is healthy, that we do not just snuff out their creativity, but we are denying part of what it means to be human.
We hope that by offering opportunities for all of us to experience creativity and failure inside an environment where things like “better” and “worse” do not exist creates space for us all to live into our humanity, our creativity, our divinity in such a way that the good news of who we are and who we were created to be shines through.
Because being ok with being human, being flawed, matters. Because freedom, and creation for its own sake, and being abundantly alive, is the good life promised us in Jesus. We deserve to model to our children that there is a life worth living that is more than making money, buying stuff and dying, and this is part of how we show them how. Because we still have a chance to change. Even as adults. Because we deserve to experience life lived this way too.
We were called to a life of freedom in Christ. We were called to create, to laugh, to enjoy being alive for its own sake, to rejoice in the love of our Creator, and who that Creator created us to be. Failures included.
Much love,
Matt Britt
Director of Youth Ministries
