Pistol Packin’ Mama

Larry GrubbYou know as well as I do that excuses can really be amusing bits of verbiage — especially excuses for “why I couldn’t get to church, preacher.” I imagine we all could share ones we have either used or heard . . . or both. I won’t mention them — you know them.

Well, this story is true. It does not come from a homebound member, just one who is recently retired. If she is not in the 9:30 am service every Sunday, well, there is a very good reason.

This lady has a dozen or so dogs, among various other animals on her country property. She has an electric gate that is kept closed to keep the dogs in. The dogs have discovered that when she leaves and opens the gate they can rush out, head out to the woods, and have a grand ol’ time. When this happens, and it has not happened very many times (She is a quick learner!), she has to stop, get help, hunt down the dogs, and get them back inside the gate.

When Sunday rolled around, she thought to herself, “I AM going to get out of that gate and go to church!” The problem: what to do about the dogs. After giving this problem serious thought, she remembered that she owns a 22 Derringer pistol. She got ready for church, put the pistol on the seat next to her in the car, and headed out to the gate, dogs in full force right behind her, leaving a cloud of dust behind them. When she got to the gate, she reached for that pistol, fired the pistol up into the trees, the dogs took very quick flight back to the house, she opened the gate, went through, closed the gate, and made it to church on time. No excuses for this lady for not getting to church!

I sent this to this lady to approve and following is her reply:

“This actually happened. I also fire the gun about every 3 – 4 weeks to remind the dogs of the ‘big bang’ and they stay at the porch when I come and go through the gate. I love my dogs and do not want anything to happen to them. At the same time, there are places where I want to be on time, and church is at the top of the list.”

Teaser: I have another story about a “Pistol Packin’ Mama” for a later date.



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